A Record of the Little Moments from My Senior Year

That day was July 31. After spending more than ten days of summer vacation after my second year of high school, I officially stepped into my senior year. When I arrived in the classroom that evening, I discovered that I wasn't seated where I had expected, but I happened to be right above my second-year classroom. I suppose that counted as a kind of fate.

I didn't know many of my classmates—only four or five of them—so I simply found a random seat and sat down. My first deskmate was Weijun, but unfortunately, he had to enlist in the military. The next day, I was sitting alone. I happened to notice that the first seat in the second group was unoccupied, so I moved there and sat by myself for several days.

When the dormitory assignments were made, we drew lots. I drew Room 708. The most annoying part was that I also had to sleep on the bottom bunk. At that time, I even considered moving off campus. After sleeping on the bottom bunk for a year and a half, I truly hated the dampness so close to the ground. Fortunately, my roommates all got along quite well, and we lived together harmoniously, so the days passed one after another.

What I never expected was that, as time went by, Room 708 became more and more like a family. Every night, we would stay up talking until the early hours, chatting about all kinds of topics and joking around with all sorts of memes. Life became especially interesting.

During the first month of classes, the first- and second-year students were still on summer vacation. The entire campus was occupied only by us seniors, making it seem especially spacious and quiet. It was particularly noticeable when going to the cafeteria: there was no longer a crowd blocking the stairway, and with fewer people around, it felt as though even the air was a little fresher.

One evening during self-study, everyone was studying seriously, yet our homeroom teacher was secretly taking pictures of us. Looking back now, although that period was monotonous, it was also very fulfilling. Everyone was striving toward their own goals, and I was no exception. Even though my grades had always been less than ideal, I still had to struggle and give it my best, right?

Meeting Her

There was also the Qixi Festival in August. On the night before the 17th, I somehow “won over” a girl I had admired for a long time, a classmate named Wang. For the next ten days, I could hardly believe that any of it was real. That night, she posted something on her Moments.

A casual complaint from me unexpectedly led to what happened next. My first reaction was to think that she was joking with me. So, holding on to the faintest sliver of hope, I tried to pursue her—my first time showing that much courage—and it seemed to work. She agreed to be my girlfriend?!

Later, she said: “How about I make a suggestion? Let’s be together for one day first. If, after Qixi, we still want to be together, then we’ll stay together.” After Qixi passed, she still didn't give me a definite answer. She neither said she accepted nor rejected me. But at least she was still my girlfriend at that moment. I only wished that she could be part of the rest of my life.

I first saw her during the first semester of my first year of high school. I was in Class 15, and she was in Class 16. One day, we happened to pass each other. She may not have noticed me, but I was captivated by her. The girls in my class were all fairly ordinary-looking, so by comparison, she stood out all the more.

That was how I came to know her—unilaterally. Since I hadn't met many classmates when I first entered high school, I never got the chance to learn more about her. I didn't even know her name. Then, during the second semester of my first year, we started being divided into arts and sciences classes, so our classes were reshuffled. Luckily, I was assigned to the same class as her, and that was how I learned her name.

Unfortunately, over the course of that semester, she and I still had very little interaction. It was only through a coincidence that I somehow became her “younger sister”?! And it was precisely because of that that I got her WeChat ID.

In my second year of high school, the classes were reshuffled again. This time, I wasn't quite as lucky, and we weren't placed in the same class. Fortunately, we weren't too far apart: I was in Class 23, and she was in Class 22, with the two classrooms facing each other. Sometimes, I could see her from my classroom. My favorite thing to do that year was morning exercises, because I could see her almost every day.

During every morning exercise session, I would be at the back and she would be at the front. I would watch her from far away, and looking back, I realize I was somewhat infatuated with her silhouette.

I don't really believe in love at first sight, but that didn't stop me from liking her. After all, she was so outstanding, and everyone appreciates beauty. I knew I wasn't particularly remarkable, and she might never be interested in someone as useless as me. But she was so excellent, and I thought there must be many people pursuing her.

I don't really know what counts as a secret crush. Maybe what I felt for her was one. Throughout my entire second year of high school, she and I seemed like people from two different worlds, with no interaction at all. The only conversations we had were probably mass holiday greetings, or her mass advertisements and my complaints about them. (I usually delete anyone who sends me mass advertisements on WeChat, but she was an exception. I would even reply to her very seriously.)

It Was Only a Joke

It didn't last long. What was bound to come eventually always does. On the tenth day after we got together, she confessed the truth to me, and I realized that what had happened between us was nothing more than a joke. She had her own intentions, while I was merely a passerby who happened to give her a helping hand, and then continued on my way.

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After a long time, I gradually began to let go of her. Although she was wonderful, if she wasn't mine, I couldn't force it. She consequently became less important to me, and I thought I would soon be able to leave her world behind.

Perhaps, to her, I was simply someone who was easy to obtain, so she failed to cherish me properly. I was reminded of the lyrics: “We love more fiercely what we cannot have, and ignore what comes too easily.” Perhaps, just as those words say, we only truly cherish what is hard to obtain. From now on, I won't force myself anymore or try to salvage things that are impossible. I still have a long life ahead of me, and I believe I can meet someone better. My luck isn't very good, but it isn't terrible either.

After we broke up, I tried to win her back, but now that is impossible. In the future, I suppose I will just treat it as a story.

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